Colonel Carter's Quest for Coffee
by Raggedy Doctor
Summary: Sam's had a bad day, it gets worse when she finds the base in shambles from a mob of people going through caffeine withdrawl. Will Carter find coffee? How with this lack of coffee effect her team mates? Set Season 9
1. Not a Drop in the House

Hawk: I do not own Stargate SG1, it's good to the last drop.

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There was panic spread all over the base.

Those that had worked there long enough were used to widespread hysteria, it came in the job description. When you get caught up with aliens, there are bound to be a few bouts of panic, but this time, it was not the cause of an alien.

Colonel Samantha Carter PHD stood in the middle of the hallway. It had been a bad morning. She had woken up and realized unless she left in less than five minutes she would be late for an important briefing. Her hair, which usually stayed perfectly in place, was a mess. There was no make-up on her face the buttons on her shirt were mismatched.

And no, she's not why the SGC was in a terror filled panic.

(Though I wouldn't blame you for assuming it, she was quite a sight)

"Hey!" What's going on?" She asked angrily. She too, thought that the base was panicking over her fashion statement. Walter Harriman sped by her, though the only thing that most people saw was a bit of white fuzz and a pair of glasses. She grabbed his arm and he gave a squeal of fright, but then realized it wasn't an evil alien mutant trying to suck his brains out (on top of everything else) but Colonel Carter.

"I—I'm sorry ma'am, you frightened me."

"Sergeant what's going on?" She asked again breathing in and out trying to calm herself.

"It's the coffee…"

"… what?" she froze. What did he mean the coffee… come to think of it, she was in such a rush she hadn't had any time to make some at home, caffeine would be good right about now… yes, a nice big cup with some milk and--

She snapped back to attention at Walter's whimper.

"Out with it." She ordered grumpily.

"It's all… _**GONE**_" he replied dramatically. She stared at him for a moment blankly, as if not comprehending.

"Gon-- GONE?" She cried in horror. A thousand calculations swarmed around in her mind. Pushing those aside, she tried to figure out how this could happen and all the damage it would inflict on the people and property of the SGC.

"I'm going to General Hammond right now." He informed her.

"Right, I'll come with you, let's go before the base erupts—"

"Into full blown panic? Little late for that." Walter muttered. The situation was so dire that Sam was not fazed by the Sergeant's sarcasm.

"Come on Sergeant."

* * *

"All of it?" The General said staring at the Colonel (no not because of how messed up she looked, though he did give a girly scream when he saw her barge into his office) and Sergeant before him.

"Yes sir, all of it, not one drop in the house." She replied, "The men are already rioting, the commissioner has been totalled. Anarchy all over the base sir, anarchy!" Carter yelled slamming her hands on the General's desk already starting to feel the affects of caffeine withdrawal. The General stared at her.

"Calm down Colonel Carter." he looked at the two others reassuringly, "Is there any way that we can slow down the affects? Don't we have any other source of caffeine?" He questioned. Walter thought about it for a moment. He shook his head.

"No sir, nothing, the vending machines are empty and the coffee cake was already sucked up."

"Damn." Hammond cursed—coffee cake was his favourite. He rubbed his chin in thought, "What about Doctor Jackson?"

"Daniel! Of course sir! He always has coffee, he practically lives off the stuff!" Sam said snapping her fingers.

"What if he doesn't have coffee though?" The little sergeant asked. There was fear in Sam's eyes. Fear that went beyond the Goa'uld and the Ori put together and multiplied by seven, "Then… it might be dangerous to approach him. I've never seen Daniel off caffeine before. I'm not sure how he'll take it." she pondered this for a moment, "Sir, request permission to go and see if Daniel Jackson has coffee and, if so, bring it back here."

"Are you sure? Judging from what you say it could be a dangerous mission," the General warned.

"I'm willing to take that risk for my country sir." Carter replied.

"You're an inspiration to us all Colonel," he said heavily knowing of the dangers she would face, "Your mission is to find coffee for the base at any means necessary, Godspeed."

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**TBC**

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Only Sam for now, but next chapter the guys will show up and we will see more of the effects the lack of coffee will have of the SGC. More will be explained, please read and review. 


	2. Just Wanted Some Joe

Hawk: Don't own Stargate SG1, the first part of waking up is Stargate……. in your cup?

(Shrugs)

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Colonel Samantha Carter, scientist, soldier, and usually prettiest member of SG1 (though, right now because of the state she was in, that honour was given to Cameron Mitchell) … (Daniel has the beard again so he's too manly… though he could be called sexy… hmm but not pretty I don't think—what was I talking about? Oh yeah)

Colonel Samantha Carter, scientist, soldier etc, etc, was on a mission, a sacred mission. She had orders to find coffee for the sake of all those in the SGC. She crept through the halls silently, warily waiting for danger to present itself. She flung herself into a supply closet as a swarm of civilian scientists ran past in a rabid herd chasing after a terrified technician… Siler? Who had been foolish enough to eat the last candy bar in the machine… poor fool. Carter knew that her mission was too important to save the sucker. He would be fine… … … hopefully.

She finally spotted the door that might lead to the bases salvation, the office of Doctor Daniel Jackson, linguist, archaeologist, anthropologist, foreign diplomat, alien diplomat, ambassador, teacher, speech writer, treaty maker and even a midwife if the situation called for it. Carter briefly wondered why an archaeologist (no matter how smart) was a diplomat and where he got the credentials to write up treaties (especially alien ones). That question would have to wait though. She was so close to the coffee she could smell it… literally too. She sniffed the air. It was the usual smell when you passed Daniel's office, but did it mean he had coffee? She slammed open the door getting ready for the worst.

She gasped not quite ready for this.

Cameron Mitchell was tied to the chair unconscious with a black eye.

"Cameron!" She rushed towards her comrade slapping his face. He groaned slowly opening his eyes. He let out a girlish scream seeing Sam's face and promptly fainted. Sam glowered at him, "This is getting old." She muttered slapping his face again … much harder this time, chauvinist pig.

"Oww… oww… oww! SAM CUT IT OUT I'M AWAKE!" One more slap.

"Just to make sure," she explained innocently, "Now what happened? Why are you tied up, beaten and bruised and where's Daniel?" Cameron looked a bit dazed, but he forced himself to focus.

"Jackson… Jackson… I dunno, I came in here to see if I could borrow a cup of joe, I'm all out, and then I was attacked from behind. I didn't see him… what? You think Jackson did this?" Sam frowned.

"It's very likely." She confirmed filling him in on how the base was high and dry with no coffee in sight. She started looking through the drawers and shelves to see if there was any caffeine like substances.

"Wow… this is awful, I've only been here for a few months, but I know how much you all depend on it. I haven't built up my addiction yet to your level but my hands are kinda shaky too now that you mention it." He stood up carefully rubbing his head.

"We'd better get you to the infirmary," Carter sighed. Cameron jumped up in shock, "ARE YOU MAD!" he gasped, "Doctors, all nighters, coffee, almost as addicted as Jackson! It's suicide if what you're saying is true!" Carter made a fist pulling it to her chest getting a determined look in her eye.

"It's a risk I'm willing to take… besides, there might be coffee there," she explained. Cameron nodded, "Guess you're right," he conceded putting his hands up in a calming gesture (the pose Sam had taken would usually be sexy, but… uh… well you know… he's kinda frightened), "But we need to bring weapons to use against the horde of crazy civilians, they were affected the most." Carter nodded in agreement, "The armoury then. I'm sure General Hammond won't mind the detour."

"General Hammond?" Cameron blinked, "Uh… don't you mean Landry?" Sam stared at him for a moment.

"Oh my God…" she muttered. She hadn't noticed because of the lack of coffee affecting her brain, but it was Hammond, and Hammond wasn't supposed to be here and that could mean one of two things: he was visiting or he was not really the General.

"Cameron, I think we might have a foot hold situation."

First no coffee and now this…

* * *

TBC

* * *

Wow everyone's so dramatic without their coffee. Any guesses who knocked Cameron out? 


	3. Devious Plots and Questions

Hawk: Don't own S**tar**gate the **Star**bucks of T.V. viewing… darn now I want a frap…

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The brilliant Colonel Doctor Samantha Carter and Colonel Cameron Mitchell, new leader of SG1 (dubbed the Fan Boy by a certain General) how he was the leader since technically Carter had seniority over him we may never truly understand, made their way to the armoury doing threat assessment. Two scientists and a linguist had already attacked them. The others that they had passed were on the ground groaning in pain. Withdrawal. Sam herself felt its affects taking their toll.

"Don'tcha think this is all a bit much?" Mitchell finally questioned as they past a spaced out botanist drooling in the corner of her mouth. Carter blinked.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"Well, I know usually you're right about this sorta thing, but maybe it isn't just coffee, though you probably already thought of that because you're so brilliant and smart and that's why you're a member of SG1."

"…Yes… yes, of course I thought of that, I just didn't want to alarm you…" Cameron got an eager look on his face, "Really? What's your theory?"

"Uhhhh… well, you need to learn. Why don't you tell me?" Mitchell looked like an excited puppy and mulled over it for a moment.

"Well," he began, "Maybe some evil alien species came through the stargate and started screwing around with the coffee, we all got addicted and now, in our weakened state, they're gonna attack and it's up to SG1 to stop them!"

"Uh… yeah… yeah, that's my theory exactly… though I don't think the aliens would realize how strong and dangerous the effect would be on the civilians…" Sam said looking shiftily around the halls. She noticed that they were right beside the armoury.

"Come on," she said leading him inside.

They entered the room and heard a groaning coming from inside. Stealthily they head behind a listening to what was taking place.

"Where is it?" the angry voice said. It sounded like…

"Doctor Lee." Sam whispered. Cameron made a hush hush gesture. There was a maniacal little giggle from the usually good doctor.

"I do not have the information that you require. I too am looking for the substance. If we join forces, then perhaps together we can find some."

"Teal'c." Cameron mouthed. Sam nodded in agreement.

"HA! Me? Work with you! You are insane, for I know that it was YOU that has stolen the precious coffee and if you don't tell me where it is soon, I shall then cut you into teeny tiny pieces! Do you hear me! DO YOU!"

Carter quickly rushed forward. Lee turned and gave out a horrified yell falling to the ground. He lay there giggling with deranged. It was mildly disturbing…

"Teal'c!" Carter said finally looking up at the tied down Jaffa. Teal'c struggled for a moment but realized Carter was not mad and insane like Lee was. It seemed Lee had held him up with a weapon, but now he was too incapacitated to actually use it.

"Colonel Carter." He said tilting his head staring at her botched face a bit too long. After a glare he quickly turned to the other member of the team, "Colonel Mitchell." His eyebrow flicked up and down quickly, "I was searching Daniel Jackson's office for any sort of caffinated beverage when suddenly Doctor Lee jumped me from behind and started demanding that I tell him what I had done with the coffee. That was when Colonel Mitchell came in. Lee attacked him and then led me out of the room and here. It seems he thought that I had conspired with Daniel Jackson to take all the coffee for ourselves." he finally finished. His eyebrow twitched again.

"Uh…" Mitchell began, "Teal'c… what's with the… you know, eyebrow thing?" he asked. Teal'c tilted his head slightly. His eyebrow twitched again.

"I do not know what you are talking about Cameron Mitchell." The proud Jaffa warrior said with a hint of a question in his voice.

"Nevermind." Cameron muttered. Carter looked at the two.

"It's good that we've found you Teal'c," She said finally. There were two eyebrow twitches in succession and then a nod. She faced away from them for a moment.

"This is a dangerous mission that we have taken on. General Hammond, or what seems to be General Hammond is here, General Landry is nowhere to be found, there are wild civilians and fatigued soldier that cannot possibly fight the panicking scientists off." she paused and then finally turned, "And the greatest threat is still out there." Teal'c's lips moved a millimetre down.

"What is our greatest threat Colonel Carter?" He questioned.

"Daniel." She stated thinking long and hard, "I have the feeling that he would be the one most affected by this horrible lack of coffee. We have to be careful when we find him. He'll use his intelligence and seemly innocent demeanour to put us at ease and then, when we turn our backs…" At this she made a slitting throat gesture. Cameron gulped slightly clasping his own throat at the thought. Teal'c tilted his head in agreement. His eyebrow twitched several times.

"We have seen Daniel Jackson addicted before, but then it was to the sarcophagus. This might bring out more disturbing results that we can truly comprehend at this moment." several twitches and a small frown. Cameron nodded eagerly.

Carter nodded to herself, "Right, we get ourselves well armed and we head into, currently, the most dangerous area in the SGC." a long pause as the two members of her team stared at her.

"Colonel Carter," Teal'c began, "You cannot mean—"

"That's right… the infirmary."

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I know it's really short this time, but it's been so long and I wanted to put up a chapter. Also, I didn't really check over it for errors and all that. I'll fix it up later and put it up again if there are any glaring mistakes, don't bother telling me about them, I'll probably find them myself eventually

So, where is Daniel and what evil scheme is he plotting? Why is General Hammond there and where could General Landry be? Will the doctors attack them or help them on their sacred quest? Is this an evil alien plot? Will they ever get their hands on that sweet, sweet nectar of the Gods Coffee again? Find out in the next chapter and please, read and review.


	4. Anger, Jealousy, and Zombies

Hawk: I don't own Stargate and don't get any sugar from it… get it no sugar tonight in my coffee, no sugar from… okay forget it…

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Colonel Samantha Carter, known genius and master of all things mathematical and circular journeyed with her companions, Teal'c, the mighty Jaffa warrior with a heart of gold, muscles of steel, eyes of a hawk, and the cunning of a fox, and Colonel Cameron Mitchell, newbie to SG1 and leader (in name anyways), on their way towards one of the most dangerous level in the SGC… the infirmary.

It had been a dangerous trip already, but they had finally made it to the elevator. From there it would be a piece of cake… delicious… coffee cake… with crumbs… and that—

It would be easy.

Carter looked from side to side and motioned for Cameron to hit the button while Teal'c and she covered him. He pressed on the button impatiently, "Come on, come on, we don't have much time."

"Pressing the button over and over won't make it go any faster Cameron." Carter said through gritted teeth. Seeing the look on her face, Mitchell wisely stopped pressing the button before he lost his finger. The door finally opened and SG1 – 1 rushed in, quickly closing the doors. They breathed a sigh of relief, when.

"NO! YOU HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!" Cameron and Carter jumped in surprise, Teal'c of course had warrior reflexes that stopped himself from flinching… though it did set off a nasty round of eyebrow twitches.

"Sir! You're alive!" Carter said, seeing General Landry, Commander of the SGC, "Don't you dare say one word about my face." she growled.

"You have to get out of this elevator Colonel." Landry said desperately.

"But why sir?" she asked, okay so it was bad, she didn't need people to keep reminding her! God, it's not like Dr. Lam never missed a day of makeup!

"Oops…" Mitchell muttered.

"Oops? Colonel Mitchell?" Teal'c asked eyebrow and eye twitching simultaneously. Mitchell pointed to the button he had leaned on, level one; the level farthest away from them.

"You might have just doomed us all." Landry said mournfully. And that's when he started to shake.

"… S…sir?" Carter asked. The shaking got more violent and the elevator car began to shake with him.

"What-is-this-an-earthquake?" Mitchell asked holding on to the sturdiest thing in the car… Teal'c.

"N-n-n-n-n-o." Landry answered, "It's-s-s-s-s-s the J-j-j-j-j-j-j-jitters."

"I-think-I'm-gonna-be-sick…" Mitchell winced holding his stomach.

"Not-on-me-Colonel-Mitchell." Teal'c growled. Finally the elevator reached level one, after a lot of shaking, and close calls on both Colonels parts. Quickly the General got off the elevator, which was still shaking with reverberations.

"You need to do something, the base isn't going to last much longer." Landry said. Carter nodded, "Yes sir, we know, sir, do you know why General Hammond is here?"

"George? No…" Carter frowned at the answer, "We're heading for the infirmary sir, we're searching for coffee." the General nodded, "I'll try to figure out why George is here… if it really is him."

"Thanks sir, that makes our job a lot easier." Carter nodded as the elevator door started to close.

"Wait, there's something you should know about Carolyn when she's off coff—" the door slammed shut and started moving downwards. They glared at Cameron.

"What?" He blinked he looked down noticing he was leaning on the close door button. Teal'c twitched again, but seemed to be able to restrain himself from pummelling the smaller man. The Colonel laughed nervously, "Ehem… sorry…"

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"Okay people, we have to stay focus since we're going in blind." At this Carter gave a pointed glare at Mitchell. Mitchell shrugged.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. SG1 held up their Zats ready to fire.

"Doctor Lam?" Cameron said looking around. A head popped up from the other side of the medical table belonging to Carolyn Lam hot doc, wearing makeup and a smock. She glared at them.

"What the hell do you losers want?" she growled getting up giving each and everyone one of them the evil eye. She raised her eyebrows at the state of Carter's face.

"Whoa, what happened to you? Did you get run over by a truck or something, jeez woman, brush your hair, just because **I'm **the hottest female on base now, doesn't mean you should let yourself go. So you're getting on in years, that doesn't mean you have to look ugly." Carter's mouth hung open in shock. She reached for her Zat.

"Colonel Carter no." Teal'c said restraining his friend.

"And YOU Teal'c, Gawd, how many times to you go on and on about the Jaffa council and yet you're still HERE, if you're out you're out, that's what I always say." Teal'c eyebrow was going up and down a mile a minute now, but he said nothing.

"Oh and Mitchell, you—"

ZAP

The two looked over at Mitchell who looked sheepish and hid the gun briefly behind his back before he brought it in front of him again, "Well… I don't think she knows where the coffee is… and think of it this way, it's safer for her and she'll get to wait out to coffee crisis… yeah… that's what I'm going with at this time." Mitchell nodded. The other two stared at him and shrugged. Carter sighed.

"Come on, we should check if there's at least some coffee in here… or even some grinds…" the other two nodded and they started searching the place. Carter gave Lam a small kick in the face. She'll never know…

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"There is none Colonel Carter." Teal'c said after a very thorough search of the medical ward. Mitchell nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, I even checked the OR and PreOp, nothing." he sighed.

"No luck with me either." Carter said, "If only we had some way of detecting the coffee." she said thoughtfully.

"Oh!" Cameron said, "Are you going to make some super ultra coffee finder machine!" Carter slapped her forehead and shook rapidly.

"No, that's impossible. I might be able to blow up a star, but there is no logical way to make a coffee finder." she rubbed her head, she felt a horrible headache coming on.

"Damn." Mitchell sighed, "If we had Jackson here, he could probably sniff out the coffee." Carter nodded in agreement.

"You may be right, but he might be too dangerous to approach unless we have coffee."

"Could it be that Daniel Jackson has already sniffed out the coffee and finding him, will find the coffee."

"Or vice versa." Nodded Carter, "Of course, all we need to do is find Daniel."

"COOOFFFFFFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" came a scream. SG1 turned. A mob of angrily looking soldiers and Civilians headed through the doors and pushed the back, surrounding them.

"COFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" They cried.

"Oh no!" Sam gasped, "It looks like this is it, this is the end!"

"GAHH COFFEE ZOMBIES!" Cameron shrieked. Teal'c was stoic as ever, though the rapid eyebrow twitching completely ruined the effect.

"It was good to work with all of you." Carter said.

"Yeah, you too Sam, Teal'c." Mitchell said, "Now would be a good time for something miraculous to happen to save us all you know…"

"I think you jinxed us Cam." Sam replied.

"COFFEE, COFFEE, COFFEE!"

"Coffee?" Someone asked coming into the room. They all turned to see Siler standing there, "I know where plenty of coffee is."

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Hawk: Gasp! So there is coffee at the SGC and Siler knows where! Stay tuned for the finally. A mention in next chapter if you can guess where Daniel is


	5. Dinner Time Mystery Theatre

Hawk: Try the new Stargate season 10 in all locations across the country… btw I don't OWN it… yeah good thing this is last chapter all my disclaimers are dumb now… (tear)

Note: No one REALLY guessed where Daniel is, but at the end of the chapter I'll tell you who came close (I don't want to give the ending away)

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Everyone in the room froze at Siler's words.

Colonel Samantha Carter female scientist that can kick any male's ass, Colonel Cameron Mitchell that seems to be able to kick Jaffa ass (barely), and Teal'c—who can kick ANYONE'S ass, stared in shock.

"Siler…" Cameron said under his breath, "Don't… move." the angry mob had turned to face the technician. Siler, crack technician with a wrench had a confused look on his face.

"Is this why everyone has been so strange recently?" He asked.

"WHERE'S THE COFFEE?" Everyone shouted. Siler took a step back.

"Uh… behind the Stargate—but I think you should kno—" Before he could finish Siler was trampled on by all the scientists, archaeologists, linguists, soldiers, and SG1. He moaned.

"I need a raise…" he groaned in horrible pain.

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Nearly the entire staff of the SGC ran into the gate room and went to look behind the Stargate.

Jaws dropped open.

Tears trailed down cheeks.

Everyone fell to their knees, frozen save for a single twitching eyebrow.

It was decaf.

It seems no one on the base, with the exception it seems of Siler drank decaf so it was being used to hold up the Stargate.

They all stared in shock and horror.

Just then, the door opened. No one turned to see who it was.

"Ah… guys?"

It was Doctor Daniel Jackson, archeol—okay I'm not starting that again. He tilted his head blinking in confusion at the distraught looking staff of the SGC.

"Why are you all behind the Stargate? Did uh… something happen to it?" He asked.

Carter finally pulled herself together. She quickly stood up and pointed her zat at Daniel.

"Don't come any closer, you're not yourself!" she said. The innocent confused act was probably a ploy to put them all at ease.

"Um… I'm… not? Ah… Sam… what's going on? You don't seem… yourself." Daniel said tactfully putting one hand up. In the other he held a bag.

"The lack of coffee is making you think irrationally Daniel Jackson." Teal'c said in his calm deep voice his eyebrow twitching furiously.

"Is there something wrong with your eyebrow--" Daniel began to ask, but Mitchell cut him off.

"Jackson, just don't do anything you'll regret, we outnumber you so just put… down… the bag." Mitchell said. Daniel did as he was told but still had a confused look. He noticed all the members of the SGC other than SG1 were trying to get as far away from him as possible.

"Um… lack of coffee? What do you think? I'm addict--… oh…" The anthropologist suddenly figured it out.

"Um… I know I drink the stuff a lot, but… why ARE you guys behind the Stargate anyways?" he asked. He slowly stepped forward. All of SG1 brought up their zats.

"DON'T MOVE!" they all cried in unison.

"Okay… ah… I think you should know… I HAD coffee this morning… and before I got here I got a call saying that the coffee I ordered for today had been delayed by an accident so it would get here late."

The entire staff of the SGC stared at him.

"A likely story!" Mitchell said still pointing his zat at Daniel. Daniel furrowed his eyebrows.

"It should be here about now—" a phone started ringing. Everyone stared at it for a moment.

"Um… could someone get that?" Sam asked. No one seemed to want to take two steps in the direction of Daniel. Daniel rolled his eyes and answered the phone.

"Hello? Yes, this is Doctor Jackson, oh good, that's definitely good to hear…" Daniel said glancing back at his team members that were holding him at zat point. He put the phone back on the receiver.

"Well, the coffee's—" Daniel began.

"Coffee's here." a bandaged up Siler said from the entrance. There was a moment of silence and then the entire SGC was running over Siler once again to get to their Holy Grail of liquids.

"A huge raise…" he muttered. Daniel shrugged picking up his bag and heading towards his office.

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Ending Credits

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"But I don't under (Slup) stand it." Mitchell said taking a quick sip of coffee.

"(Slurp) Understand what Cam?" Sam asked. She smiled happily. She had finally been able to fix her face and hair and she once again reclaimed her title as prettiest member of SG1, life was good.

"Yes, it seems that everything was (Sip) neatly tied Colonel Mitchell." Teal'c said taking a sip of his own coffee. His eyebrow rose slowly, precisely and with the amount of control Teal'c usually put in all his facial expressions. Once again, life was good.

"Well," Cameron said as they turned the corner towards Daniel's office. "I know usually by now the mission report would just cut off and not really talk about the winding down and what happens next, but there are still questions to be answered." he explained, "Like, why did you see General Hammond? Was it a lack of coffee induced illusion? Why did everyone but Jackson seem to go bonkers? Why does Jackson, the head of archaeology and linguist order the coffee? Aren't the supply people supposed to do that? And lastly, but I think most puzzling, why the heck does Siler drink Decaf!"

The others looked over at him in mid-sip eyebrows scrunching together.

"Good questions." Sam said wiping some excess coffee off her mouth.

"And I can answer it all." Daniel said leaning against the door of his office, "With a bit of help of course. At that General Hammond stepped out beside Daniel.

Gasp.

"See, this is what I'm talking about." Mitchell said nodding his head towards Daniel and the General, "We need to figure out how this all happened."

"What is this dinner time mystery theatre?" Carter muttered.

"Come into my office and we'll answer all your questions." Daniel said.

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Once SG1 was comfortable they looked over at their linguist and General.

"You see," Daniel said leaning back in his chair, "General Hammond is here because I invited him here for coffee." SG1 stared.

"You're joking." Cameron said slapping a hand on his forehead.

"No, it's true son." Hammond said. At that Daniel took out of the paper bag he had been holding so carefully two cups of Starbucks coffee, a cinnamon bun and a chocolate walnut cookie. Hammond took the cinnamon bun and on of the coffee's and leaned back in his chair continuing, "I was in the state and at Doctor Jackson's invitation I thought It would be nice to drop by. When I got here I couldn't find Hank so I took a seat in his chair waiting for him. That's when you came in Colonel."

"Ohhh," the rest of SG1 nodded.

"I didn't go… 'bonkers'" Daniel said making quotation marks with his fingers, "Because I had coffee this morning, and according to Janet." A sad look passed over Hammond, Sam and Teal'c as their friend's name was mentioned, "I have so much caffeine in my system it would take a miracle to get it all out anyways."

"Well that does explain that…" Mitchell nodded, "But why do you order the coffee? I mean… come on. What are the supply guys good for if not to order stuff?" SG1 glanced at him with raised eyebrows. He shrugged.

"Well, I AM head of Linguists and Archaeology, as well as the anthropologists, visiting diplomats, I get forced into PR all the time, not to mention AR (Alien Relations). I wouldn't TRUST anyone else to get coffee… and now that I've seen what the effects I'm pretty sure I'm the only one for the job. Haven't you noticed that before now there has never been a lack off coffee throughout the SGC? I always order it early." He shrugged. Hammond nodded.

"It's been like this since day one." he confirmed.

"Day thirteen actually, day one I wasn't even sure if I would be allowed to stay here." Daniel reminded him, "And back then Cameron, the coffee was terrible." Sam thought back for a moment.

"That's true…" she nodded, "Ew, just thinking about it…"

"But that's the explanation for that." Daniel said and then paused, "As for Siler…"

"I'll fill that one in." Doctor Lam said coming into the room. There was a prominent bruise on her cheek and Sam had to hold back a smirk. Even if it was the lack of coffee and Lam was back to her professional visage it still made Sam do a victory dance in her head.

"You see, due to all of the injuries Siler has sustained he is constantly on pain medication, sometimes the medication doesn't mix well with caffeine, so he doesn't drink anything but decaf." the doctor explained, "With Daniel… according to his file, he never listened. A similar note was put in General O'Neill's file."

"Well that does make sense." Cam nodded.

"Oh and I'll have you know that Jack drinks way more coffee than I do." Daniel informed with a slight smirk, "He's just more covert about it."

Everyone sat in compatible silence for a moment all sipping his or her coffee.

"Oh, I got one more question!" Mitchell said, "How come Jackson is allowed to write treaties with the aliens and even the Russians?"

Colonel Samantha Carter brilliant out of the box thinker of SG1 and once again the prettiest, the brave Jaffa warrior Teal'c who always fights for what's right, Colonel Cameron Mitchell, always ready to lend a hand and sacrifice it all for his team, Carolyn Lam, Head Doctor ready to brave off world and find cures for her people, and General George Hammond, inspirational leader and commander from Texas; all looked at Daniel Jackson archaeologist, linguist, etc, etc, curiously.

"That, Mitchell, is another story altogether." Daniel said with a mysterious grin taking a long sip of coffee.

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END

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Hawk: Well that's the end of my little story. It was fun to write and I hopped you liked reading it, now Allaboutthegate was the closest with the answer of, "The nearest Starbucks? Nah, too easy." without the "Nah too easy," it would have been completely right. Remember folks, sometimes the simplest solutions are the most correct! 001ElvenWarrior was also technically correct with the answer, "Daniel is where the coffee is."

Thank you all who have read and when you have coffee, remember, it could be gone at anytime just like this

(The inspiration for the story was when my Starbucks was under construction and there was no fraps to be found.)


End file.
